


right hand man

by sweetheartcastiel



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Gen, I updated this, Idk what i'm doing, This is a lot of Tags, a bad one, don't read unless you don't care about spoilers, fix-it for iw, for absolutely no reason kaksk, have fun fuckers, i can't write, i don't know how to tag, i think i forgot someone???, i'm just pissed, its 4:22am, speaking of which, spoilers in the comments!!, the title is a joke, this isn't even technically a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:11:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14471409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartcastiel/pseuds/sweetheartcastiel
Summary: The Battle On Titan, but Thanos gets his ass beat.{Chapter two is in no way related to chapter one}INFINITY WAR SPOILERS!!





	1. left hand free

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So, this is my first time doing anything like this, I can't write but i'm pissed so idjdjdj. It's got no spell check, I haven't even read it to see if everything is okay lmao
> 
> INFINITY WAR SPOILERS!!!!!

Titan.  
A planet barely clinging to existence. A place where it all started, a place where it will end. 

Looking down on the planet, you would see nothing but destruction. Upon closer inspection you would find life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mantis holds on to Thanos' head with an unexpected strength, pouring all of her power into him, keeping him dormant. Tony Stark and Peter Parker are busy attempting to pull the gauntlet from his hand while Peter Quill walks up to Thanos, but before Star Lord has a chance to speak, Spider Man lets out an exasperated groan.

"Can't we just cut off his arm?", he asks in a tone of voice that suggests he's been thinking about that for quite some time.  
Quill lets out a strained laugh while Tony just stops and looks up for 10 seconds. He then turns to Peter and speaks, "You are a genius, kid."

Doctor Strange appears by their side looking annoyed, "If I thought that would work I would have already do-." A strange squelching sound interrupts the rest of his sentence. A dull thud can be heard as Mantis lets out a sound of disgust and says, "Oh! His insides are purple too!"  
Peter Parker looks upon the scene and says, "Wow, the deformed grape bleeds grape juice." 

Not only did Tony cut off the arm, he stabbed Thanos for good measure.  
"I didn't kill him, it's not my place. Frostbite face over there is weak though."

Nebula walks up to Thanos, holding a spear. "This is for me, for Gamora, all our siblings you tortured and brainwashed, all the people you slaughtered and everyone else." She stabs him in the heart, twisting the spear before pulling it out and slicing his head off. She breathes. She smiles.


	2. off-brand mars bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can i give a summary for something i havent written yet???? crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have fun i guess lmaoksksksk

in an alternate universe   
far   
far  
away 

A fight had just broken out. Peter Quill was far from happy and Thanos was taking the brunt of his anger. The control Mantis had on the ugly fuck (thanos, obviously) was slipping, as was Peter Parker's hold on the cursed gauntlet that looked oh-so innocent when not in use. 

Thanos awoke. 

Nebula hadn't arrived yet in this universe but spidey senses are fucking brilliant and so Peter looks up.   
In the distance he sees her ship incoming. He doesn't know who is coming but knows they can help. Spider-Man webs everybody but Thanos out of the way, so fast that nobody realises for a second that, yes, that is another alien ship and no, Thanos hasn't noticed a thing, the dumb fuck (a thought Tony Stark relishes). 

Nebula speeds into Thanos, knocking him flat on his ass.   
As Nebula wipes the floor with Thanos, Peter Parker lights up, with a look that Ned would say could only bring Dumb Bitch Energy, into play.   
He turns to Stephen Strange, who has a sense of foreboding. "None of this happened in the future.' He said, trying to ignore the feeling.   
"Clearly you haven't seen all outcomes, Doc," Tony then says, feeling both smug and concerned. Peter huffs, "We have bigger problems than your egos."   
Tony looks a little shocked, but also proud. Doctor Strange has a look of annoyance on his face; evidently he believes his ego is a big deal. 

"Can you open a portal to Queens real quick, Mr- Dr- Mr. Doctor Strange?" Asks Peter, already looking like he's about to do something stupid.   
"What's this about, kid? Cause if you wanted to go home you could've, you know, maybe not hitched a ride on a space donut, to the home land of a murderous grape!", Tony exclaims, seeming put out.   
Strange has a strange look on his face, but then again, wouldn't any look be strange? Given that he is Strange? "Your kid must have a reason for asking, Stark, he doesn't seem the type to up and leave in the middle of a battle, (which is conveniently not intruding on this conversation). Speak up, Spider-Man." 

"I have an idea, about how to defeat Thanos." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A portal with gold sparks opens in a small bedroom in Queens, Somewhere (maybe Manhattan), New York. A boy clad in red and blue jumps out and begins rummaging around in drawers. He then finds a small, unopened chocolate bar and smiles in triumph.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Peter jumps through to the other side of the portal, Tony groans, "You really think chocolate will help? What, do you think the dementors got him?"   
Peter ignores him and walks right up to Thanos, despite the look of alarm that seems to have permanently etched itself on to everyone's faces.   
Mantis gasps, covering her face with both hands while Drax shakes his head, muttering, "The insect child is brave, he will die a warriors death."   
Star-Lord looks shocked. He wasn't aware that kids on Earth had gotten so ballsy in his absence.   
Tony and Stephen try get close to Peter before realising that they're both webbed into a cocoon, with no way of escaping until Peter dissolves the solution. 

Nebula is too busy stabbing Thanos to see the small but strong superhero coming up behind her.   
"Uh, can I have a go?," Peter asks, overwhelmed. Nebula is confused; why does this terran want to 'have a go'?   
Before she can answer, Peter walks up to Thanos and holds out his hand. 

In it, lays the chocolate bar. The red font contrasting with the brown packaging, spelling out 'TITAN'. 

"You're not you when you're hungry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall its 5:46am and im writing this before i write anything else ksksksk anyways i was just downstairs and saw the packaging from titan bars and like. i had to  
> Titan bars are, like the title says, off brand mars bars kskksks aldi sells them and its wild because i never noticed the name until after iw
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoyed this skjs

**Author's Note:**

> This is the only thing I have ever written, it's not that long but it is definitely longer than planned lmao. It was supposed to be like two or three sentences long. 
> 
> Anyways, if anyone reads this, I hope you enjoy!


End file.
